I find myself thinking a lot about being alone. It's a state in which I'm not yet entirely comfortable. I've been in a relationship pretty much my entire adult life so this is very new to me. I don't know how this is supposed to work. My mind tells me that I need to take time to learn who I am, get to know myself. But every part of my heart screams out that it doesn't want to be alone, and is afraid of waiting for fear that I'll miss out on someone special or that it will just plain be too late for me.
At the same time, if I try to imagine getting involved with someone new, being in a relationship right now would just feel wrong. There is someone I've been spending time with; I really, really enjoy his company and he's told me the feeling is mutual. We have great conversations; I always hate saying goodbye when we part ways. But he's made it clear he isn't looking for a relationship either.
The problem is that the more time we spend together, the more I want from him. I'm afraid to ask for more; I don't want to lose what we have. But at the same time, it doesn't feel like enough. I'm just so lonely and confused.
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