As I've said before, 2017 seems to have it in for me. I found out earlier this week that a friend (not an extremely close friend, but rather a "close acquaintance") was found dead in his apartment over the weekend, an apparent suicide. Sadly, I was not really shocked nor surprised at the news, and I knew right away that it was likely that it was suicide, knowing how troubled he was.
This person was devastated when I told him the news about my husband a few months ago...and overly dramatic to the point that he was making my husband's death all about him. But that's just how he was. He could also be very charming when he wanted to be; he could be a pain in the ass too. But he was overall a good person, who did not deserve the pain and turmoil he was in which ultimately led to him taking his own life.
Additionally, I have another friend who just vanished a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, I don't even know where he lives, so I can't go look for him. He's in the US illegally, so it's possible that either someone turned him in or he got picked up for something and has been deported back to Honduras. As awful as that scenario is, there are others I can imagine that are much, much worse, so I hope that's what happened. I'll probably never know for sure. But it's been weighing heavily on my mind this week.
I honestly don't know where the strength I have right now is coming from. I think it's a product of the gratitude I feel every day when I remind myself of all that is good in my life. I'm surrounded by people who love me, I have (relatively) good health, I have the dogs, I don't want for anything (speaking materially), I have a roof over my head, I have a steady income...I could go on and on. I think making a list of things I'm grateful for is essential; otherwise I would probably be wallowing in self-pity most of the time. And that's a road I don't want to go down.
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